Just Okay

“The way the world was shaped was different in her eyes. She tried her best not to slip off the edge of the earth, while everyone else just rolled around it’s curves. It’s difficult to talk about her. She didn’t say much because to her, there was never much to say. This is one of the things that made her so unique. She was there: A simple existence in a complicated void.

She was never okay, but that was never the issue at hand for her. Everyone seemingly deals with big mass destructions in their vivacities. She wasn’t dealing with anything. She was just herself. For some, that’s good enough, but for her, it never was. She listened intently and never spoke out of turn.  We kept pouring it on her and she kept taking it. Not once did she complain.

The best advice always came from her. She would spew all styles of intelligence and people continually absorbed it. There wasn’t a problem too challenging for her to dissect. She liked this about herself, but it still was not enough to fill this void.

Her problems, even though minimal, added up to be something quite wounding. We never saw it. I don’t think she ever saw it either until it was too much for her to handle.  I feel like deep down, she never felt adequate enough. There was always a reason to feel small in a world so big. She understood that better than anyone else.

We continue to exist for her…as liabilities to her appellation. She was enough and we will never be able to tell her. Today, we’re all here for the same reason: To love and remember…”

I looked down at the podium listening to the congregation grieve. I stopped speaking when I realized that I was struggling to remember her name.